#23: The mystery of the forced manual labor

Last summer we painted our house (again). 

We tried to convince my dad that hiring the job out was the best way to go. But dad has a bad habit of making things like this a "family project" that we all do together. I never quite understood why we didn't just get someone else to do it or take what I thought would be an "easier way". Then I read this article about a dad who takes a project and turns it into an opportunity to have some face time with his kids. (You can check out the article here or just read it below.)

"Living in a small country town has its advantages, but one disadvantage is the mud in the spring. In an attempt to keep the mud outside the house, I planned to spread gravel on my dirt driveway. I had 60 tons of gravel brought in and left in two piles, which looked even bigger when I stood in front of them. In our town, people commonly have big trucks, trailers, tractors, front loaders, and backhoes. Me? I’m the guy with a shovel and a wheelbarrow.

I asked Rory, my 15-year-old son, if he would come out and help. He wasn’t the picture of enthusiasm, but he agreed....He was a teenager whose world was getting larger than the one his dad used to fill. I had never had any real problems with him, but he was no longer the little boy who would hold my hand and chatter as we walked. His world now included many activities and friends that took him outside the home. We still enjoyed each other’s company but found it harder to spend time together. I wouldn’t have guessed that moving gravel would facilitate openness between us, but on that day it did just that.

As we shoveled, each to our own rhythm, Rory started talking. At first we discussed the job at hand, but then the talk turned to other things that were on his mind. We discussed music that he was interested in. He was active in certain forums on the Internet and described the posted conversations. In school he had a psychology class, and we discussed some of the ideas. Then there was the topic of his friends, and several funny stories followed.

As we talked we filled the wheelbarrow, and then I would lift the load, wheel it to a bare spot, and dump it. I was pleasantly surprised when Rory followed me during these short intervals in order to keep up the conversation. I am pretty sure he didn’t know how much his willingness to talk meant to me. I tried not to let on. His talking so freely to me didn’t happen every day.

As we worked, blisters formed on my hands, but they were just a reminder of the sweet time I spent with my children, especially my oldest son.

Across the street a young construction contractor was building his house. While I was working, he was using a front loader to push the earth around the foundation of his home. It would have taken 20 minutes to get our job done with his powerful machine, but I was afraid he was going to come over and offer to help. I would have looked foolish turning down his help, but accepting it would have robbed me of the unexpected experience I was having with my children. Toward the end of the job, when I was exhausted, I wasn’t sorry. My children were still there and were still talking to me. Manually moving that gravel was the sweetest hard work I had ever done."

I'm guessing this is a big reason why dad made us do the work (I'm sure there were lots of other good reasons too, Dad...) This video clip was another big hint as to what was so important about all of us getting out there and doing the work ourselves. 

All in all, I'm grateful that my dad has always taken a "homegrown" approach to the jobs around the house (big and small). (That's easy to say now that I'm not living in the same state as my parents--can't get roped into a home improvement project for at least another 9 months haha) I have learned so much from my parents about how to work and take care of myself and those around me. The lessons learned and the time spent together were well worth the hours of manual labor.

#20: Fatherhood is Leadership

In honor of Father's day, I'd like to talk about the powerful influence a righteous father has on his family. I was luck enough to be born into a home where I was raised by righteous parents. Because of them, I have been very blessed in many aspects of my life. My father's example and influence on me has shaped much of who I am today. The prophets and apostles have counseled us many times about how to be a righteous father and how to spot one.

Elder M. Russell Ballard said:

"Fathers are expected by God and His prophets not only to provide for their families but also to protect them. . . On a day-to-day basis, fathers can and should help with the essential nurturing and bonding associated with feeding, playing, storytelling, loving, and all the rest of the activities that make up family life."

It has also been said:

“The home is where we learn what is right, what is good, and what is kind. It is the first school and the first church.” (O. Leslie Stone, Ensign Nov. 1976)

I was looking through the different values taught in the For The Strength of Youth pamphlet. I realized that all of those things had been taught to me already by my parents before I ever read them in a pamphlet. Values like Education, Work and Self Reliance, and Honesty and Integrity were important to my dad and so they became important to me.

My dad taught me how to be useful. Because of him I learned to do things like change a tire, use a pressure washer, paint a house, tape drywall, drive stick shift. He taught me how to work—and to work hard even when no one was watching.

3 Nephi 14:9-11 talks about how even imperfect fathers know how to give good gifts. My dad knows how to give good gifts. One of my all time favorite Christmas presents was a toolbox I got from him a few years ago. The tools themselves were very nice and I was glad to have them but what made the gift so memorable was the letter I got with it. In the letter, Dad talked about taking care of the tools you're given and using them wisely—and how with the right tools, you can do anything. That letter has stuck with me and impacted my life in a significant way. So has my dad's faith in me that I could do anything.

Elder M. Russell Ballard also said:

“Trust your father. He is not perfect, but he loves you and would never do anything he didn't think was in your best interest. So talk to him. Share your thoughts and feelings, your dreams and your fears. The more he knows about your life, the better chance he has to understand your concerns and to give you good counsel.”

When making big decisions in my life (college majors, work opportunities, serving a mission), I've turned to my dad for counsel and he's always given very thoughtful advice.

One last quote about fatherhood, this time by President Spencer W. Kimball:

“Fatherhood is leadership—the most important kind of leadership. It has always been so; it always will be so. Father, with the assistance and counsel and encouragement of your eternal companion, you preside in the home. It is not a matter of whether you are the most worthy or best qualified, but it is a matter of law and appointment. You preside at the meal table, at family prayer. You preside at family home evening. And, as guided by the Spirit of the Lord, you see that your children are taught correct principles. It is your place to give direction relating to all of family life. You give fathers' blessings. You can take an active part in establishing family rules and discipline. As a leader in your home, you plan and sacrifice to achieve the blessing of a unified and happy family. To do all of this requires that you live a family-centered life.”

I am grateful for a father who took prophetic counsel to heart and has tried his best to be the father that God intended him to be.